I'm up out this mofo

I considered making a long, thought out post about leaving this place, but why start now?

I've grown tired of the Blogger scene and am taking my mad game to the next level over at Chimpotle.com. It should look somewhat familiar. I'm still working on things, but I saw no point in drawing out my stay here.

I would appreciate if all six of my loyal readers would follow me to the new digs and update any reacharound links you've been gracious enough to grant me. You will be greeted with cake, punch and booty shakin' bitches.

5000, Gs!

The Big Book of Baby Smiles

Things are really beginning to pick up on the baby front, and I finally find myself becoming excited about all the happenings. After months of meh, it actually feels real at this point. Along with all the excitement, however, is the realization that this thing is going to have teeth.

The other day I was reading a blog and the author happened to post a picture of their toddler aged child smiling, laughing, whatever. I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but the teeth of our youth are jacked up. Just looking at a child with a toothy smile is enough to give me the heeby jeebies. And if it’s a kid who is in the process of losing teeth? Forget about it. It’s like the Simpsons episode with the Big Book of British Smiles.


This might also explain why I have never really been able to get into hockey.

Less mullets + more teeth = new national pastime

Now, I know a bunch of schmoes are going to post comments about how it will be my child, and I will love it and pay no attention to her haggard teeth. Eff that. Teeth are going down as the first thing of note I will hate about my child. First she will cry and gnaw on a bunch of crap when they start to come in. Then they’ll look all effed up. Then they’ll fall out, and I’ll most likely have to play into all that Tooth Fairy bullshit that she hears about from another kid with a complete asshole for a parent. I’m supposed to tell my child that some creepy lady is going to come in her room to reach under her pillow? If anyone does that, she should be kicking them in the balls/vag, but instead I will be reinforcing an effed up idea with money. Sweet ass.

Something tells me that brush was on his balls a mere seconds prior to photo

Teeth falling out just leads to jacked up permanent teeth coming in, which in turn lead to braces. If I have a problem paying change for baby teeth I can use to make a cool necklace or some shit out of, you can imagine how I feel about paying thousands to fix the position of teeth. But it’s necessary, because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life not being able to look at my daughter because she has jacked up, crooked, toddler looking teeth as an adult. My orthodontist took photos of my teeth before and after braces. I looked like a fucking retard. It was well worth the six years of being stabbed in the cheek by a crazy Russian lady who couldn’t properly thread the effing wire.

This doesn’t even include the biting episodes, meth addiction dental work or wisdom teeth removal. Hopefully she will at least have the decency that I did and wait until she’s off my insurance plan to get that shit done.

NFL Finger Cuffs

During the past year, I have not watched more than a quarter of any given NFL game. I’ve been able to pickup everything I need to know from whiney Chief fans and sports blogs like Kissing Suzy Kolber. This morning, I read about something on KSK that I just couldn’t believe. Nabisco must be watching my emails, because there is no other way they could have come up with the Double Stuff Racing League.

In my sad little corner of the world, Double Stuff is a term reserved for DVDA or what my brothers called the filling of my dirty diapers. The version of this game that I had been emailing to Meesha, the D and emawkc involved a bathroom stall at the next blogger meetup and something the kids refer to as ookie cookie. Now I’m just going to seem like some copycat homo.

Now he's free.....free fallin'

It’s been a while since I posted a video of some sporting figure getting absolutely destroyed. I haven’t been this pumped up by a video since that skater got absolutely rocked at the X-Games back in August. Enjoy

(h/t the Sporting Blog)

The Joke by the Lake

Royals Review just put up an interesting piece asking when Kauffman Stadium will be no more. Not in physical existence, the renovations are taking care of that for the short-sighted fans of KC. No, when will people be clamoring to get tickets for opening day at Garmin Park…or some crappy corporate name to that effect.

The Cleveland Indians will no longer be playing in the respectable Jacobs Field, but rather Progressive Field. A baseball stadium named after a crappy auto insurance company. We may be closing in on the maxipad sponsored stadium prophesized in BASEketball. For a small market team like the Royals, it’s amazing to comprehend that we have lasted this long without it. But with moves away from hometown TV and radio coverage to those provided by larger corporations with deeper pockets, you have to wonder if stadium naming rights could be up for grabs down the line.

The Royals Review post lists only five stadiums in the AL with original names. In the next couple years, the Twins will be out of the Metrodome and into new facilities which I’m sure will have corporate sponsorship. The Yankees are moving to a new stadium and definitely don’t need the money, but baseball owners are more about want than need. Some sponsorships aren’t horrible…Miller Park, Busch Stadium, Coors Field…but those are simply based off of beer companies AKA last names. Minute Maid Park? Are you effing kidding me?

A lot of people in this town talk crap about the Royals for their recent futility, but I think it’s a testament to the greatness of a man and his franchise that it has remained ‘the K’ all this time after his passing. If you really want something to see, or rather not see, wait until we are dropping 100 games a year playing in ‘the G.’ Talk about something to get excited about!